VOICES with Amber B Skylar

[EP:3] Happiness, Really? - Amber B Skylar

April 02, 2021 Amber B Skylar Season 1 Episode 3
VOICES with Amber B Skylar
[EP:3] Happiness, Really? - Amber B Skylar
Chapters
VOICES with Amber B Skylar
[EP:3] Happiness, Really? - Amber B Skylar
Apr 02, 2021 Season 1 Episode 3
Amber B Skylar

Another victim shaming tool - the social media realm on happiness and all the "experts" with simplistic comments that can deter a struggling victim from feeling as if they do not fit in. 

I don't know about , but I get tired with the overwhelming messages out there telling me I need to be happy, should be happy, if I am happy then ...if Im not happy then...its my fault.  Happiness is just part of the emotional landscape potential  for human beings which is directly impacted by environments and no amount of sugar coating will make someone happy in a terrible situation.  I include a quote on Happiness and Action .  Its my formula - for my life - not to pursue happiness as defined by the culture or history books, but to do things that resonant with my nature - born happy like most children, and dealing with the reality of adulthood.  Sometimes happy and sometimes not. 

#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #victim  amberbskylar.com #amberbskylarpodcast #voiceswithamberbskylar 

Show Notes Transcript

Another victim shaming tool - the social media realm on happiness and all the "experts" with simplistic comments that can deter a struggling victim from feeling as if they do not fit in. 

I don't know about , but I get tired with the overwhelming messages out there telling me I need to be happy, should be happy, if I am happy then ...if Im not happy then...its my fault.  Happiness is just part of the emotional landscape potential  for human beings which is directly impacted by environments and no amount of sugar coating will make someone happy in a terrible situation.  I include a quote on Happiness and Action .  Its my formula - for my life - not to pursue happiness as defined by the culture or history books, but to do things that resonant with my nature - born happy like most children, and dealing with the reality of adulthood.  Sometimes happy and sometimes not. 

#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #victim  amberbskylar.com #amberbskylarpodcast #voiceswithamberbskylar 

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome. This podcast will contain explicit material which may be triggering and activating for some. Please proceed with caution. Thank you. Hey, welcome back. This is your host, Amber B Skyler . Thank you so much for joining me today on this third episode of my podcast. And we're going to talk about happiness really? So this is a continuation for me, of why victims blamed himself, why I've blamed myself. So it was reading, looking at a quote once about happiness, and it said everything happens for a reason. Have you ever heard that everything happens for a reason? Okay, wait a minute. I am homeless. I'm in a bucket. My sister abandoned me , uh, three days before I was going to be evicted. My mom tells me I deserve to be homeless. Uh, I can't find a job I'm seriously traumatized and depressed, but everything happens for a reason. I am so tired of these simplistic little shaming statements that are out there that people don't realize that they're catchy little statements have such a profound impact on people like me. Who've been traumatized or who've, you know, been poor, been homeless, been beat up and raped, but I mean, everything happens for a reason. Listen to this quote on happiness, happiness is the secret to all beauty. There is no beauty without happiness, like , and people actually reproduce this stuff and they put it on Facebook or they put it on the, the Facebook page for nice quotes or happiness quotes. Think about that. Happiness as the secret to all beauty, there is no beauty without happiness. That is just flat out wrong throughout my entire life. I have seen, I have felt happy. Like maybe I look up at the sky or maybe I could smell the night , summer air and the green grass and the smell of the dirt after it rains. And I'm just running around as a kid, having a good old time, even as an adult woman. Or like when I see my granddaughter just doing granddaughters stuff, you know , I literally feel it. It's like , um,

Speaker 2:

Like that dark cloud I spoke about in the previous episode, it just sort of appears there so much pressure on happiness, the pursuit of happiness. How does a kid brought up in the projects with parents that aren't there and that don't have money? How is a kid like that supposed to pursue happiness? These quotes really make me sometimes feel like they're really just for the halves and they don't really fit for the have-nots. All right. Here's another one. Happiness is when you think what you say and what you are doing are in harmony. Gandhi. Gandhi is not a favorite of mine. Now, listen, I know what we do in the history books. And I know what we do when we all gather it, yoga retreats gone . He said, Oh, and all of this stuff , I'm really interested in what mother Theresa has to say, quite frankly, but Gandhi was roofless to his wife and daughter Gandhi . It was abusive verbally and physically. And when his wife was dying and she needed a drug Gandhi, didn't believe in drugs and wouldn't let her have it and watched her die instead . And then when he caught the same thing, he took the drug. The reason why I'm sharing this with you is because I'm out here taking all of this stuff in just like you. It's on billboards, it's on , uh , greeting cards. It's an commercials it's in, you see all these happy people sitting around smiling, having a pizza. Let's rent a movie tonight. There is this idea about happiness. That's out there. And , and if you've been traumatized and you can't feel it, or you can't access it, or you can't just show up and be like, Hey, Hey, how's it going, everybody , I'm super happy. Then you just don't want to go. You want to stay in the house. You really don't want to get out in union psychology. They have this , um, there you do a shadow work. And what that means is behind the bright shining Amor , Amber using myself as an example, what's in the shadow. What's not seeing what am I not saying out here? And in this podcast, I'm trying to show you a little bit of the shadow about my vulnerability, about the negative as we call , um , feeling pain. I don't think it's negative. I think it's a , it's a tone. It's a vibration in my body saying, Hey, Hey, just like a sore or like pain inside of my knee. When I pull a tendon or ligament, it needs the same attention, but let's go back to, Oh, we don't get therapy here. Here's a medicine. Go ahead and take this drug and make yourself happy. So you might be able to feel a little bit of my anger coming out about this happiness stuff in union psychology. There's this term called the nicey. Nice. Have you ever gone to, I'm just going to use a church setting because we're supposed to get there. We're supposed to be cleaned up and happy and extract some sort of inspiration that might help us live up. But you got folks sitting around the church. Hi, here's some muffins. Would you like some coffee? You look so pretty today. How are things? Oh, Billy looked so great. It just goes on and on and on. It's the surface as you're like surfing to kind of have a connection, but is it really a connection? When I was in New York city, you know, several years ago, like five or 10 years ago , um , I walked into a coffee shop and I'd been writing in my book and I went out to get a muffin, just kind of get out of my room and the , uh, the person selling me, the coffee said, how are you today? And I said, I'm depressed. I'm really not feeling all that good today. Now in New York city, which I just love eight people in line behind me were like, Hey, I heard that . Yeah, me too. I ended up sitting down for like an hour talking to a bunch of strangers about keeping it real. When I go to the grocery store and people say, how are you today? If I'm feeling good, Hey , you know what I'm feeling pretty good today. And the cashier will stop. Oh, okay. Well, that's great. That's awesome. Hey, and then they go on about their job. Then I'll come in some other days and say, no, I'm just imagine stated I'm depressed. Especially during the last several years in 20, 19, 20, 20, COVID just crazy stuff going on politically. Um, I just kept it real. I would have people just open right up there in the line behind me and right there at the cashier. I've had people just cry. I've had people just say, yes, I , I get it. I can I pet your service dog. It's like a balloon that's ready to pop. And we're just trying to keep that balloon full and bright and happy and shiny. But if you don't let some of that air out, that's going to pop another quote that really, really , um , gets to me about happiness. It's not about how much we have, but about how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. That is a bunch of. If you ain't got Maslow's hierarchy of needs, food, clothing, shelter, water. I got news for you. You're not necessarily going to be feeling the happiness. Bye . I know I was homeless. I lived in a garage, but I can tell you this. I did have moments of happiness. I was so depressed. I asked when I was homeless, that I didn't eat for like three or four days. I was living in a garage. I just stayed under my blankets. I never came out. You know, I just was so depressed, but then I'd start to get a little funky. And I'm like, okay, I'll take shower. And I would have some happy moments when I would like, I would go and sneak showers, like at the , uh, I was living in a pretty wealthy community and living in a garage with somebody gave me a place to live in the garage, but you know, no electric, no nothing, but, but I would have to go and sneak in the pool showers. I would just sneak in there. I felt like I was 13 years old again, because I got a happiness vibe in me that I was born with. But I don't always put on the happy. I like to keep it real when I'm angry and when I'm hurting and when I'm depressed, I like to keep it real. And I like to pay attention. Here's another one time to be happy, being angry, sad, and overthinking it. Isn't worth it anymore. Just let things flow and be positive. Now, now listen, you guys can hear the positive stuff in my vibe. And I got that. Just like I got that happiness vibe, podcasting writing, pushing against the odds. This is like 40 years of hard pressing through. When you don't have money, you don't have backers. You don't have grants. You don't have anybody. Who's faking that. You're all that you're using your credit cards. You're paying your stuff. But I truly, now I am happy because I'm using my voice, but I know that anything could happen. You know, I could get a bad review. I could irritate somebody on the road, in the grocery store and they yell at me and I'm going to feel that because I'm human and because of grounded in my truth. So if you're a listener out there and you're like, yeah, I resonate with this. What is this? Happiness quest, the pursuit of happiness. It's in our constitution for heaven sakes, you have the right to pursue happiness at what cost cost. There are people out there pursuing their happiness and they don't care about you as a customer. They don't care about you as a consultant . They care about winning . They care about power. I care about the pursuit of happiness and holding up a carrot for you saying, Hey, maybe we'll make race . That minimum wage from seven to $15. Maybe we'll let more females get into college. You know, maybe we'll kinds of maybe we'll and that's , and our happiness sometimes really can be dependent on that. Did you get the job? Did you get fired? Are you being harassed at you ? Good job. I have walked this walk and this idea of letting things flow. Sometimes what's flowing is just genuine pain. You got rejected. You, you lost your car. I mean, there are your child is sick. Your parents are dying. Your spouse wants a divorce that we're not just going to go put on a happiness outfit and rearrange what we're feeling on the inside . I like this one, though. This is a good one. Action may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. That's written by a man named William James. Now another quote that I read to you about that, let go of the anger. Like there is healthy anger out there. People we should be angry when there's a robber in the neighborhood, breaking into houses, we should be angry. When politicians are being critical to people, we should be angry. When companies are not taking care of their employees, we should be angry. When people are discriminating, we should be angry out loud when we are attacking other people openly for their beliefs or their views, because it doesn't fit in with what everybody else thinks that we should be. We should be angry. And this is called healthy anger. And in my, one of my first episodes, I talked a little bit about depression is the silencing of a soul. This particular quote speaks to me. Action may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. This podcast, my book, my teaching, yoga online, my doing performance art and , and writing poetry and standing up with my hair and perfect sometimes in my pajamas and making videos and performing, making funny videos. This stuff actually makes me feel happy because it's in my body and I want to do it. And I'm like, Oh, I can't do it. Yes, I can do it. I have limitations. That's okay. And I go back and forth with myself, but I'm telling you that action, which is why I like to call out for stories. You can take action on behalf of yourself. You can tell me about your story. Can tell me about your best friend's story anonymous. You tell me about a family member, but take action. Be a part of this movement. This me too movement. That's out there be a part of this movement where women actually get to speak and be heard and not silenced and put down by the courts by lawyers or gaslighted, making us think it's just all, we're all crazy. And it's just in our head and that's a whole nother , uh , podcast right there, which we'll be tapping on called gaslighting . What is it? Where did it come from? Action. That's my formula for happiness. I take a lot of risk when I get up here and I talk and I get concerned, you know, man, am I going to people off? Is , is somebody gonna like, you know, troll me or say things because I offend them. Yeah, that's the risk. But I am happy to be sitting here talking to you because I took action and your voice, your energy, your passion, you are worthy of sharing that with the world. It , it's not about their acceptance. It's not about popularity. And how many people like your stuff. It's about the action of you being true to yourself, stepping into your craft. If you want to get over blaming yourself, if you want to get over, having low self-esteem or low self worth, get up and take action and take the risk. There are going to be people out there that will not like you and will tell you, you cannot do it. And that you're not good enough. The question is is will you push through that and do it anyway? That's my message to you. So if you can see that, and you're a victim and you're still struggling, you're still hurting and you're growing and you're just taking a day at a time. You just doing what you need to do, paying your bills, going to work, whatever it is, kudos. You rock the house with that. And it's okay with me. If you're hurting and you're little down, you're a little depressed. If you want to feel just a little bit better, what is it? What is it that you want to do and take some action. Peace out everybody. This is Amber B Skylar coming at you with , uh , some thoughts that just run through my head and that are encapsulated. If you will, in my book, my next episode is going to be on anger. Let's rock the house with some healthy, productive anger. Thank you so much for listening.

Speaker 1:

Uh, feel free to send me a message@ambervskylar.com . Get up on the contact sheet and send something to me. Or you can send a message to admin@amberbskylar.com . Thank you. This podcast is produced and distributed in partnership with Dan Bennett and one minute media located in Flint, Michigan, more marketing solutions and Chantilly, Virginia and Amber B Schuyler productions located in Helena Montana. Thank you. So for listening to the show, I like a shout out to you to share your stories with me, Amber B skylar.com . Please let me know if you'd like to be anonymous or perhaps use your first name. I'm also interested in your comments and feedback. Thank you so much for listening. And I do hope that you join me for my next episode.