Voice of Amber B Skylar, Author Colors of Amber, Memoir about being female
Amber B Skylar
When I was young, I wanted to be an author and a senator. Writing, speaking and leading came natural to me. However, along the way, messages about being female, and poor white trash, eventually beat me down into years of depression, sadness, low self-worth, and a belief that being pretty and sexy is what mattered most to both men and women. When I ventured off the college (1980), full of curiosity and a belief that it would be “different” thinking that it was just my parents and my Christian upbringing I entered into a world where rampant rape by college boys was kept “hush hush” and the victim was blamed, ignored and forgotten. I joined the military (1985) where I believed that our brothers and fathers were honorable and protective.I enlisted with a desire to serve and believed there would be a path for me to get into politics. Sexual harassment and assault were profound - supported and tolerated by both men and women – as well as the institution. Trapped in a military mindset and culture where fighting for your rights could lead to punitive action, I learned to suppress my rage and ultimately trained myself to adapt to the unbearable weight of depression and post traumatic stress. Add to that, have endured being battered physically and mentally by several husbands and partners. I attempted to raise a son with limited mental health access, limited resources to provide for him and a dark view of the world while navigating from day to day. His father - a man- was not required to show up, pay for support, and even to acknowledge his role in parenting. Abortion was not an option in the military. Eventually I became homeless and lost my son for a while.30 years of therapy and participation in book reading, group therapy, from medications to no medication, surviving homelessness to becoming a yoga teacher, to finishing my Memoir, Colors of Amber, all of which contributed to this moment in my life – another opportunity to reclaim myself before my time on this earth is over. I refuse to go to my grave beaten in silence. For the future of our children both female and male, I present this podcast which will live in the cloud for eternity recording human behavior – accessible to my own son, his wife and my granddaughter. We must record the voices and stories of women. History has neglected to publish, capture, record, store and embrace our stories.